Why are there mirrors everywhere?
On the doors of department stores, in the aisles of the shops, car windows, glass doors in which one reflects ... there are days when I can take it all well. I feel great about them, have self-confidence, get along with my body and I am pure. But there are those gray days when the bathroom mirror is just too much.
I ask my girlfriend if I look fat in my jeans.
“No, it fits perfectly.” I get the answer. Does she say it because she means it or maybe she just doesn't want to hurt me? ... who can I still believe ...
Pain, my legs hurt.
You are heavy. Whine? It's out of the question. It means being strong. Always be strong. When I bring up the topic of lipedema, everyone just thinks I'm fat and imagines it.
In the department store I see a pair of jeans that I really like.
I grab them Pants in one size that usually suits me. I examine her passed out. Even my forearm doesn't fit into this pant leg. When I enter, I hang you back ...
The looks of others bother me.
I see them eyeing me. You see mine thick legs .... They judge me without even knowing me. I can see it in your eyes. That's worse than 10 stab wounds in the heart ...
Why do I have to live with this disease? I know that there are much worse things, worse illnesses, worse fates, and yet I can't avoid asking myself this question. Another question that I should never say out loud ... a lot of people just don't understand the agony behind the disease.
Suddenly a stinging, a pulling ... is it getting worse?
Is it a boost? Will I experience my blue miracle the next time I am measured? That scares me.
Many have written that it gets worse during pregnancy.
The thought of having a child is not so far away and I know that it is a gift. But I'm wondering how it will be ...
Nobody really understands me.
Not even those affected themselves. Somehow it's always about whether someone can add something. Who is doing the "worst"? The whole thing wears me down. I have the feeling that I shouldn't be sad because I don't have it as "bad and pronounced" as someone else.
I sit in my chair and look down at myself.
There are two parts of the body that bother me a lot. Why is my body turning against me? One constantly hears "Accept yourself as you are" - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I can't blame myself for not being able to accept who I am ... not another negative point. So I try to enjoy the good days. Enjoy it - to the fullest!
I finish this post with no further frills. No further words are needed - my lipedema thoughts.
All the best!