There are many Thoughts in my head. In my own little universe and sometimes I completely disappear into it. Pull me back into my world and think. Thoughts circle and you can't always be stopped - That's Life!
If you didn't circle
would I stand still then?
1. Be healthy. I would really like to be healthy. I don't have to worry about my legs and arms. Live simply! But can this disease keep me from life or do I keep myself away? Am I my own brake where possible? Where's the gas pedal? Where is the navigation device? I get lost too often ...
2. Work, family, sport, nutrition - be perfect. I try hard to meet expectations. My own and those of others. But actually I'm only accountable to myself. I keep telling myself that, but I don't understand.
3. I have hope! That's what makes me happy and keeps me alive. It can only get better. But that's also what scares me. What if my hopes fizzle out? Hiss and away! What do I have then? Just the little dreams in which I dance like an elf, but is that enough?
4. I rub myself up for this life. I turn in circles. It's about my illness. The lipedema. But is it also about me? Where am i staying I want to help others, support them and advance them. Sometimes I should try the same thing on myself.
5. Yes, I accept my illness. I tell everyone who asks about it. Nobody sees that I sometimes sit there in the evening and am desperate, don't know what to do and leave my tears free. My little facade holds up - showing weakness is not allowed in this society.