"Freedom is not a dream, it is limitless, but it lies behind the walls that we build ourselves."
What is Depression?
Type and severity of a Depression vary from person to person. With one you are accompanied by physical complaints, e.g. B headaches, back pain and indigestion. The search for physical causes is often long and unsuccessful.
Another subtype, melancholic depression, has a pronounced morning low, weight loss or gain, joylessness and loss of interest. For some people, depression can show up in a completely different way. Instead of feeling down and sad, you react with irritability, aggressiveness and anger.
And then there is this wall
Depression isn't always there, it comes and goes, often it feels like a roller coaster of emotions. You're doing great today, you could pull up trees. You feel great, find yourself attractive, and radiate the whole thing to the outside world. You go to sport, do everything with great zeal. The next day, you feel tired, every movement costs you strength, you have no motivation, you find yourself ugly, you find something to complain about in everything and everyone, with every little thing you could go to the ceiling and start crying. You take every compliment the wrong way or downplay it. Why should you accept it if you don't like yourself because you are full of self-loathing.
Everyday life - a challenge. Because you'd much rather stay in bed and just don't meet anyone and avoid conflicts. You couldn't stand them. Thousands of thoughts that torment you. This drags on for days, weeks or months, with strong and weak days of depression.
What does that do to your life
Everyday life, relationship, work life and circle of friends
In working life it is difficult to explain that one has depression, to which lipedema does not contribute positively. In everyday life everything stays where it is. The apartment looks like a pig, the smallest commitments are canceled or simply left behind without comment.
Often you cannot cope with everyday life because you simply lack the strength. It would also have to be vacuumed and the laundry is already piling up again in the ironing room. Not to mention cleaning and dusting the bathroom. Not only does your soul hurt, but your lipedema pain is also bothering you. Heavy legs that make you ponder every movement, whether you are doing it or what you can associate with each movement. This vicious circle just won't let you go, you have a date with friends. Go for a simple coffee in the city.
This word just is so heavy inside you ... You are wondering whether you should go with them at all because you are not feeling well, you are afraid of how people would react to you if you cannot fit in the chair because of your stage 3 lipedema. Every appointment is planned in great detail and, if necessary, canceled because you have caught a cold. Excuses are carefully considered, because you can't tell your friends that you are afraid of life out there and you are just Has depression.
Shopping becomes one Got to, but it has not been a pleasure for a long time, that's why you become a Home shopper. At some point there will also come a time when many Friends Say goodbye to you because, thanks to the many rejections, they think you don't want to have anything to do with them. It would be much easier to tell your friends that you have depression and that you are also severely restricted physically by lipedema and that it pulls you down even more. Then we have the floor again just.
SIMPLE doesn't mean easy
You're not taken seriously in work life.
“It's just fat. She should lose some weight. Lipedema is just an excuse. You should do some sport. Now she's still celebrating with a burnout ill. She just doesn't feel like working. "
So many people have still not understood: Depression and lipedema are diseases. We don't do ill, because we are not in the mood, we are sick, because our body forces us to give up. Depression comes and goes just like the flu. Except that you can never say you are cured and there is no magic bullet for it.
Very many are not aware of what the environment triggers. But how can you explain to your boss that you are simply tired of life, that you can't go on, that you are depressed. You don't want to start everyday life because your head has to force you to do it.
The partnership with depression and lipedema
How should I tell my husband / boyfriend that I have depression? That I can't love myself because my head is playing tricks on me. These pains in my legs, ... The appearance of my body annoys me, I feel disgusted with myself. But how should I make him understand? Thousands of thoughts go through your head:
How can he love me when I can't love myself? How can he find me attractive when I am disgusted with myself? How can he say above all pride that I am his girlfriend when I want to hide myself most. Why does he see me differently than I do?
You have something to complain about in every part of your body. He often compliments you and shows you that he loves you. But it never really gets through to you. You downplay everything because you are so full of self-doubt and there is no room for all that happiness. You are irritable and let him feel it often and he asks you, "Why are you like this?" You can't put it into words. Sex life suffers and your husband wonders if it's up to him, if you even love him anymore. As if he's doing something wrong, it is you who is breaking yourself and putting your relationship at risk.
Talk openly about your problem! Tell him how you feel and how you think. That your depression just overtakes you, that your life has become too much for you and that you cannot love yourself. You can't help it, you have depression and lipedema. We have to deal openly with our illnesses in order not to lose partners and friends.
What can I do to get out of a low?
I discovered sport for myself. Every time I notice that there might be a low point, I go to the sport and feel freer afterwards. That doesn't mean that it is the same with you. Find an activity that can get you out of such a low. Try to be open about your illness, professionally as well as with friends and family. So you can avoid stressful situations. Walks into Self-help groups, there you will be understood.
Because we all have the same problem, nobody understands us better than us like-minded people.