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Women are critical of themselves and I am no exception. You carry comments from the outside world with you in your head all your life and don't even notice that you've never questioned them. Was the other person really right in his assertion?
Do I really have that broad shoulders? My nose is really not small, but is it a prong? Is my forehead too low? Too low ... for what?
In the end, the uncertainty prevails and you believe someone else's opinion more than your own body feeling. Suppose there are no ideals of beauty. Not a standard that one has to "conform" to. No authority that tells you that something about you is not optimal. Would we then even be tempted to identify something in ourselves as a problem area?
#bodypositivity is a movement that not only revolves around oversizes, but also about returning to harmony with your own body - with the aim of feeling good with it. And that doesn't just affect women and not just overweight. But also scars, bumps, all optical properties and also the psyche. It is about being more conscious of forgiving one's flaws. Feeling like it's okay to have stretch marks, broad shoulders, or red hair. And in our case it is also about the everyday situation in which we find ourselves.
You are you because you are you
You are made up of so many qualities, both visually and internally. You are you because you look the way you look. Your body has seen, lived through, renewed, coped with, endured so much - it is only natural that it is marked by life and it is simply a good thing. It's a bulletin board that tells about your life and without the many stories on and under your skin, you wouldn't be the person you are now.
Here was my appendix. From this scar I know I don't have skin cancer. My bosom has seen several pounds come and go. My legs and arms had to endure a hideous fat demon.
Anything that contributes to your own well-being is potentially the right path to body positivity. And as long as you haven't got there yet, you mustn't lose sight of this goal and every little progress. Every tiny positive development or realization, every part of the body with which you are no longer at war, eases your soul and throws ballast off your shoulders.
How do you illustrate this special feeling?
The movement is growing and more and more women and men acknowledge their “mistakes”, publicly share how they deal with themselves and inspire so many others who can draw new strength from them. I too want to set an example and overcome my own insecurity.
I see compression as a fashionable task that I set myself to do something new every day. But even I have a crack: I could never imagine how this moment of undressing would feel for my partner and what it might look like. At some point you stand in front of him in lingerie and compression, and then?
We had already been in a relationship for half a year when I got the diagnosis, so he was the only one with whom I had lived through this issue so far. But also the thought of how that would work out when looking for a partner always makes me nervous.
Oh God, when things get down to business and he only sees me in lingerie and compression ... That'll turn him off.
If this intimacy of a relationship has not yet existed, all that remains in my fantasy at this moment is an embarrassing silence. Total uncertainty about how to feel in such a situation. You're completely wrapped up and then with medical compression garments. How am I supposed to bridge this time of undressing? That has nothing to do with sensuality. Lingerie and compression: do they even go together?
Lingerie and compression
And my partner gave me the crucial answer. "Women are naturally sensual if they just let them be." He is right. You just have to allow it. You shouldn't let such a piece of high-tech fabric take away the beauty of the moment. This is about him and me and not about some illness or opaque stockings. You have come so far that you will soon be standing naked in front of him. If he hadn't already found you attractive as a woman, you wouldn't be where you are now.
Because of his patience with my insecurities, I've learned that I have to trust him when he says he loves me. With everything my body brings with it. He sees me with his eyes and in his eyes I am the woman with whom he wants to shed his stockings all his life and wake up without make-up in the morning. He's already decided for himself and I just have to believe him that he did it consciously.
These qualities in me, which I perceive as flaws, are pipe dreams. Artificially bred ideals that do not apply to my body and which I simply do not have to fulfill. I don't have to. My body doesn't have to. I just have to be myself and make the most of my given body and life to become a happy person.
And that includes accepting that my partner finds me sensual and attractive even in compression. So I do him and myself a favor and let go of all these fantasies and focus on just being a woman. With everything that belongs to me. Even in lingerie and compression.
Special thanks go to Michaela, who enriched this journey with her creativity, wonderful talent and constant encouragement and to all the people out there who made me the person I am allowed to be today.
The bustier is from Ashley Graham and can be found here at navabi be ordered.
This article was supported by medi.
Pictures: Michaela Kern
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