This article may seem unusual as I am always trying to hold my head up high and making the best of my situation. But pain teaches respect and in the actual moment achieves a certain power that is hard to grasp. There is this gloomy cloud that tries to stifle the painfully cherished glimmer of hope.
I have lipedema, but lipedema does not own me. Not me.God, when does this marathon just stop …
There it is again. My mantra, that has kept me going upright for years since my diagnoses and I try hard to follow it again. But I feel the exhaustion spreading. Not again please, not this pain.
Hello pain, old companion.
It comes. With soft steps and steadily sneaking in for a year now. Pain, as I know it too well. Many months after my operation I was able to rest and could even live without compression. I enjoyed the time-out from lipedema. My life finally turned to something else than this disease making it hell at young age.
But at some point I sensed a pinch, a harbinger that I am not relieved from all.
– Knock Knock.
– Who’s there?
– Lippie …
– Lippie-fuckin ‘edema. Did you miss me?
I know my body and have not waited long until I asked for new compressionstockings. It was important to conserve this result after the surgeries, by all means. However, you may have guessed through this article, my fight is not won yet.
If I could make a wish, I never wished to be thrown back to the situation before the surgery. I wasn’t able to drive with a car anymore, because after 45 minutes the trip had to be stopped most of the time. The same happened on train rides and the meant pain of contact, which haunted me in my everyday life. I was 26 and saw the rapid deterioration of my quality of life. Within five years, the pain in my legs and arms developed so dramatically I did not recognize myself.
Dear fairy, I already know this impasse. Please take me somewhere else.
Half a year ago, the pain increased again and I recognize the speed. And it feels threatening – lipedema, you scare me. I had 12 liters of you removed from my body. I tried my best not to feed you any further. Tried to treat your pain away for so many hours. No we are here again, together on the train, or car, united at the concert, familiar after a hard day.
Lipedema, you are an unwanted guest
Every cloud has a silver lining. There it is again, my glimmer of hope. The spark that makes me stubbornly bare my teeth. We women are like lionesses. We do not like being surrounded by an underground demon and we will not surrender without a fight till our last breath. Not on my watch.
This is my life and only have this one. You do not get any power over me.
Lipedema, you’re an asshole and assholes have no future. Let’s see who has the upper hand.
Cheer up, you lionesses.