This article may seem unusual for me as a person, because I always try to keep my head up and make the best of my situation. But pain teaches you respect and in the acute moment has a power that you can hardly comprehend. And then there it is, this gloomy cloud that tries to stifle the painfully cherished glimmer of hope.
I have lipedema, the lipedema doesn't have me. Not me. God, when does this effort stop ...
There it is again. My mantra that the years since my diagnosis have made me walk upright and that this time too I tried hard. But I feel exhaustion spreading Please not again, not this pain again.
Hello pain, old companion.
They are coming. With quiet steps and stalking steadily for a year. Pain as I know it all too well. Many months after my operation I was quiet, was even able to live without compression and was enjoying the break from lipedema. My life revolved around something other than this disease, which wanted to make my life hell from a young age.
But at some point I noticed a twinge, a harbinger that I could not be saved after all.
- Knock Knock.
- Who's there?
- Lippie ...
- Lippie-fuckin 'edema. Did you miss me?
I know my body and haven't waited long for the new restoration. This result had to be preserved after the operation, by all means. But as you probably guessed it from this article, my fight is not won yet.
If I had one wish, I would wish that I could not return to the state before the surgery, please. I could no longer drive a car, because after 3/4 hour the journey usually had to be broken off. The same was true for the train and the pain to touch that followed me every step of the way in everyday life. I was 26 and watched the quality of my life deteriorate rapidly. Within five years the pain in my legs and arms should develop so dramatically that I no longer recognized myself.
Dear fairy godmother, I already know the dead end. Please take me somewhere else.
The pain has been increasing again for half a year and I recognize this speed again. And it feels threatening - lipedema, you scare me. I let you suck 12 liters out of my body. Tried to stop feeding you the best I could. Tried to treat your pain away for so many hours. And yet we are sitting here again, together on the train, together in the car, united at the concert, familiar after a hard day.
Lipedema, you are an uninvited guest
Rain is followed by sunshine. There it is again, my glimmer of hope. The spark that defiantly bares my teeth. We women are lionesses. We do not see it at all, to be surrounded by an underground demon and we will not surrender to him without a fight. Not with us, not with me.
This is my life and I only have one thing. You have no control over me.
Lipedema, you're an asshole and assholes have no future. Let's see who has the longer breath.
Cheer up you lionesses.