Anyone who has once more on their hips than they would like and has thus waived a few years of their life, probably knows these strange thoughts ...
Anyone who walks into the room will probably see me first - the fat.
Party night with the girls. All top styled, slim and slim - only I am the fat in chucks.
Sports at school? I was always elected last.
To go shopping? Great, I can't find anything if we only go to stores up to size 42.
Ride rollercoaster. I have to go to the XXL seat? Well, thank you. (So happened! Silverstar, Europa Park)
Finally go to the lake. But then everyone will see me half-naked - oh god!
I could formulate page by page what worries I made as an overweight person when I was faced with avoidable everyday situations. I told myself that if I lose weight, I can let go of these worries. Finally be relaxed, enjoy life!
The fat man thought wrong
And now I run through the fields with over 30 kg less. I have achieved so much, burned tens of thousands of calories, rejected them and pinched them, just felt the sweat running for hours with a red head. 7000 kcal per kilogram of fat lost. Done everything for years, let myself sag, got up again, carried on. To sit here today and realize that I'm still fat. And I'm not talking about the almost 13 kg that still separate me from normal weight, but about my head. Nothing has happened in six years of acceptance history.
Does my body feeling have a reset button?
Every cell in our body is completely renewed after seven years, but cell renewal makes a huge detour around my brain. Why can't I let go of this distorted self-image and celebrate my new self every day, hugging myself and praising myself for the discipline that made this possible. Why is the fat remained? With the dwindling weight, everything should actually feel lighter.
I want peace
And sometimes I catch myself with these thoughts and shake my head in horror. It can't be the feeling I've fought so hard for for so long. Indulging in lipedema and not abandoning the dream of normal weight was one thing. I want peace. Peace with my body, with the way I look. Put an end to this pointless struggle that only draws energy. Life is too short to be at war with yourself. I am no longer the fat, rather the strong one, the one who stays with it. I'm almost there - my goal is in sight.
And it took me years to come to this conclusion. I learned to listen to my fellow human beings and to believe them that I have changed. And most of all that I never the fat was, but always ich.
You can find more about "losing weight" here:
Hi sweetheart, first of all I know how you feel, even if you don't think so, I've been through it. I had starved myself up to 45 kilos and still believed I was too fat but what I have learned over the years is that I no longer orientate myself to other people or what they say I am me and I like myself the way I am and if you don't like it, you have no place in my life. Not the weight, appearance, what clothes we wear or whether we are blonde, brown or red-haired, it doesn't matter what skin color we have, there are other things that make a person and since I got to know you in our three-year apprenticeship, I want you to know In this way say: I hope you are still as happy as you were and that you will take people with you with your good mood and not lose your smile. Stay as you are. I express my best regards, Donna
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your words and you are so right with what you say. Weight does not define us, but the expectations with which one approaches such an odyssey can only meet with a high risk of disappointment. 🙁 I will continue until I have finally achieved my healthy weight and hope that with time and a lot of patience, I will eventually get used to this new me.
I push you back very dearly!
It is always nice to see that you are not alone with such “nonsensical” feelings.
I haven't lost nearly as much weight as you have, but even today, I often stand in front of the mirror and consider myself too fat.
When I see photos of myself, I'm always surprised that my legs look so narrow. Unfortunately, the mirror doesn't show me that
But what does too fat mean? In general, I find being overweight only "difficult", because unfortunately it affects your health at some point and it doesn't have to be. Otherwise everyone should be allowed to live and look the way they like. We only have to work on the adjustment of the mirror
You speak so much from my heart! I have now lost 10 kg and am almost at my normal weight (luckily I didn't have that much on my ribs and then quickly turned the corner). Still, you don't feel normal. I still think everyone is staring at me because I have fat legs that are in stockings. But it is good for me that others know these thoughts - because people like to tell me that I am “crazy” and “tell me” something. But feeling remains feeling.