The phoenix project - a lipedema phoenix against bullying

So there it is, the new year - 2019! The last thing passed so quickly again, and again you haven't achieved everything you set out to do. Still too fat, still bad habits. Didn't we want to be braver? Don't let us put up with everything anymore? Open your mouth. Unfortunately, it didn't work out again last year. Too much, privately and professionally, again. The thought:

I have to be happy that there are people who want to deal with me at all. The way I look

many have not let go for a long time. Well, you can take a swipe or two. What does it matter. You are right. The arms are getting bigger and bigger, I don't even want to start with the legs and big buttocks. The mood swings annoy me and the pain, well, how was it without her? Do I even have any? After all, other children have given birth, and that should surpass everything (which, of course, I don't want to weaken).

Maybe you are right and I'm getting in line too much. The apartment doesn't shine like it used to for a long time. I could climb the stairs faster. It's clear when someone feels held up and then says:

Move your fat ass.

Then he's right. And yes, going to the toilet is almost like a breakfast break. Maybe I should rather delete them in the future. I wanted to lose weight anyway. Then the colleague no longer has the opportunity to look at my plate and reproach myself if I only eat fruit and vegetables, then I don't look the way I do. 

Bullying with lipedema and obesity

I got you guys on Instagram Asked about the worst statements anyone has said about your lipedema. Here is a small extract:

  • You roller, you bin.
  • You fat pig.
  • Don't act like this if you didn't always focus on the pain, it wouldn't be that bad either.
  • Acquaintance to her daughter: "Don't eat so much, otherwise you will soon look like ..."
  • A doctor: there is no such thing as lipedema.
  • German tanks are rolling again.
  • If you were to stick to a diet, you wouldn't be so fat.
  • Your ass is too fat for the chair.
  • Well, at least you have beautiful eyes / a beautiful face.
  • Nothing against thick legs, but pillars belong under a bridge.
  • You're just looking for an excuse. Yours is lipedema.

Do you think that's okay? I say no! Because the fact is, if we have to listen to such derogatory statements again and again, it is bullying! Last year I got to know a wonderful person. His name is Marek Fink and for him it is an affair of the heart to support the club "Signs against bullying e. V. " (ZgM) to get involved. ZgM offers everyone a platform to make their own contribution to better cooperation and a future without bullying in an uncomplicated way and, above all, regardless of their own place of residence. I talked to him about bullying.

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What is bullying?

You can hear bullying everywhere now. Similar to monetary inflation, the term is no longer worth that much. The assessment of a bullying situation is in many places no longer as serious as it is worthy of the topic. It is all the more important to take a closer look at the term and ask yourself what is meant by bullying.

Four characteristics of bullying

The psychologist Olweus is considered to be the founding father of research into violence in schools and has worked out characteristics in this context that can be used for an assessment. ZgM works with the following four characteristics that must be present at the same time in order to speak of bullying:

1. Type of attacks

Bullying includes both physical and psychological attacks of violence. While boys show more direct forms of aggressive behavior than girls, girls seem to choose indirect or relational aggressive behavior. With both types of violence, there is a high risk that the attacks will harm the victim psychologically. Depending on the duration of the assault, the victim can feel the consequences long after the bullying situation has ended.

2. Time factor

In contrast to an argument, bullying situations take place over a longer period of time. The definitions of different researches vary at the point of the duration of the assault. It is assumed that the violent attacks must take place at a certain frequency over a period of at least one month to six months in order to speak of bullying.

Isolated individual attacks and harassment are uncomfortable, but because of the lack of repetition, they are not sufficient to develop a bullying system. However, we also see a need for action if a person affected by recurring violence perceives the situation as hurtful.

3. Power imbalance

Perpetrators and victims differ significantly in their psychological and / or physical constitution. The perpetrators are clearly superior to the victim.

4. Systematics

The victim is systematically hurt and humiliated. It feels helpless and is only able to end the situation with outside help.

But what can you do if you are bullied or maybe you know someone who has this problem? With ZgM we have summarized a guide here.

Dealing with bullying

Getting bullied can make you feel pretty alone. It seems like it never ends, like nobody can help you, like you deserve it. You do not do that! Millions of people are in a similar situation to you. You are not alone and there are ways to improve your situation!

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Our tips

  1. Talk about it to someone you trust. Admitting you're not doing well is a giant step. But opening up to someone and talking about it is good for your soul. After that you are no longer alone and find support.
  2. Record what happened. Write down what happened. This will make it easier for you to talk to others about it later.
  3. Do not avenge yourself. What happened to you is wrong. However, taking revenge on other people or hurting them will not improve your situation. There are other ways.
  4. Surround yourself with good people. Spend time with the people who care about you. Together you create wonderful memories and have a great time.
  5. Don't blame yourself Bullying can affect anyone and takes place regardless of any characteristics. The reason for this is not up to you. The actors are often not even aware of what they are doing. You're fine the way you are!
  6. Be proud of who you are! There is no reason to doubt yourself. You have great qualities, skills and talents. Imagine what you can do with it and live the day.

Do you need help?

If you need help, please contact us or ZgM directly! ZgM has already been able to help many people. Because, as their experiences show, there is always a way to improve the situation.

Even if you are not affected yourself, it is important to set an example. After all, doing nothing would also be a reaction and we have to stop being silent, laughing along and cheering. Only together can we improve the way we work together tomorrow.

But let's come back to our New Year's resolutions. I think it doesn't always have to be classic resolutions. In 2017, dear Pia launched the “Phoenix Project”. I would like to recommend the project to you. It may appeal to you and you would like to start with us. #Together we are strong

2019 - the year of opportunities
new ways and a new "me"

New year's resolutions, who doesn't know them? Lose weight, quit smoking, blah blah. The usual!

Let us breathe new life into the resolutions and not fill them with classic content, but with more love, more acceptance and more tolerance for ourselves (and others). We can start with getting a little more out of our comfort zone, daring more and ultimately living more.

We don't just want to provide you with outfit pictures and blog posts. We also want to give you food for thought and show you that lipedema should not and should not restrict you. You are master or woman of your body and nobody else, not even lipedema or compression! So why should both prevent you from loving each other more or from daring more?

The Phoenix Project

Let's start the new year together. Join in and mark each of your me-moments worth sharing on Instagram in 2019 with # lipödemphönix and # phönixprojekt.

It doesn't matter whether you see outfit pictures, a wonderful laugh, a meal, a great experience or something else. We want to see that you get out of your own comfort zone, live and love!

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In this context, the phoenix stands for “getting up again and again”.

Together we get up again after the diagnosis of lipedema, stupid looks or a comment that has hit you hard. We pull ourselves up again and again and thus become stronger. The phoenix rises again and again from the ashes and becomes many times more beautiful and stronger.

Believe me - you will have a lot more great stories to tell at the end of the year if you consciously live these positive moments and call to mind when you have a hangover.

Inspire your confidence

If you don't have the vigor, just have a look at # lipödemphönix and # phoenix project check out Instagram and let the others inspire you. We, Pia and I, are looking forward to it!

With this motto, I asked you not only about the worst statements about lipedema, but also what words you would like to hear. I can't spare you any negative moments and experiences, but I would like to try something with you under the sign of the #lipödemphönix project and with the #zeichengegenmobbing.

Love is the answer

If each of us also says this to the great people in the vicinity or of course to everyone we want to say something nice to, then we are already sending our first sign by sweetening this person's day. At best, that person takes an example and then says something nice to another person. It doesn't have to be anything particularly personal. How would it be with:

“You did a great job. Today you smile especially beautiful. The day with you was wonderful, thank you for your friendship. Your food tasted very good. "

If you find these words difficult to say, you can also do it via SMS or email. Sometimes it's small gestures, such as B. to cook for someone, to scratch the car free in winter, to pick a flower or just to give a smile. Of course these are only small things, but as the saying goes: "Small gifts keep friendship!" Personally, I've been practicing this for a long time and even if not everyone immediately appreciates it, most of them enjoy it very much. I'm curious what you can tell me about it here or z. B. on Instagram with the # lipedema phoenix reported.

Which everyone prefers to hear

  • I love you like you are!
  • We are a team.
  • It's not your fault.
  • I understand you.
  • Together, we can do it.
  • I'll help you.
  • I'm here for you.
  • We are proud of you.
  • I will support you.
  • understanding

These are all very few, but incredibly strong words that would do each of us good if we could hear them more often. So let's start now. Who have you wanted to tell or show for a long time that he / she is simply great, particularly hard-working or strong? Let's not just talk about each other, but each other.

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Let's be strong together and put a smile on each other's faces. So if we notice that someone is not doing so well or, in the worst case, register that someone is being bullied or someone feels left out, then let's take the first step and approach them. Let us be a helping hand. Fortunately, there are now great contact points that can support us. Nobody has to suffer from bullying!

Handwriting Britta

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Author: Britta

Hello everyone, my name is Britta and I am a spring child from 1984. I love fashion and make-up and, as a person affected by lip and lymphoedema, I deal with it very intensively. My motto is loosely based on Pipi Longstocking, "I make the world as I like it". I would like to take you on my journey and share my discoveries with you.

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